Medical record blunders

*She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until 1989 when she got a divorce.
*The baby was delivered, the cord clamped and cut, and handed to the pediatrician, who breathed and cried immediately.
*Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
*Bleeding started in the rectal area and continued all the way to Los Angeles.
*The patient suffers from occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.
*By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling better.
*Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
*On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it had completely disappeared.
*The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1983.
*The patient refused an autopsy.
*The patient expired on the floor uneventfully.
*The patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant, with only a forty two-pound weight gain in the past three days.